By Jill K Thomas
I get this question a lot from my clients, "How do I deal with my overweight child; what can I do to help?"
(This is usually concerning a teenage daughter.) I know from experience that handling that these issues badly can make things even more difficult for your child. Remember whether they express it to you or not, weight is a very sensitive issue to a child and is the source of so much pain. Like most adults, they often feel powerless to resolve it only for them the stakes are higher since they feel judged daily by the harshest critics in the world, other teenagers. To those clients I suggest treading lightly and taking heed to the following advice.
-Keep it positive: Encourage and give praise for life affirming activities like exercising and eating healthy. Don't focus on what they did wrong, that brings feelings of shame which will cause them to run to food as a way of coping with those feelings.
-Be sensitive to their feelings when you talk about their health: Saying things like "we are worried about your weight," or "should you be eating that?" only makes a person feel shame and embarrassment which usually results in more eating. Making them feel bad about the problem is what the bullies at school do all day long.
Encourage them by providing activities that IMPROVE self-esteem -- like karate, dance or any other sports activity. What they need most is love and support, not criticism from the one place they need to feel the safest... home.
-Don't allow bulling at home: Don't allow your other kids to tease them, or tell ugly stories about family members who used to be thin but are now fat, and say things like, "you don't want to be like them do you?"
We think that cautionary tales will help motivate people to change but they don't, they just make kids feel bad about themselves because they can see that family views someone who is overweight as being inferior.
-Make sure your child feels loved and accepted as they are: When children receive messages that their weight is an issue they begin to feel inferior to others. Life will (incorrectly) teach them over and over again that being overweight means they aren't good enough, you will help them most by teaching them that you love and accept them as they are, no matter what.
-Make being healthy a family project: I've observed that the families who have the most success shifting their child's habits are the ones who, as a whole family, start eating healthier and getting more exercise.
Also, putting one child on a diet makes that child feel isolated and separate and makes eating healthier feel like punishment for being bad. Trust me everyone in the family could benefit from eating better, even the family pets.
-Pack your kids lunch: It is safe to assume that all food served at school is unhealthy. If you want your child to eat a healthy lunch, you have to pack it yourself.
-Don't think a "Diet" will fix this: Unless the doctor is recommending it, putting them on a strict diet isn't nearly as good as helping them build their self-esteem so that they will want to keep their bodies healthy and well nourished.
I hear all the time from clients how their parents put them on diets at young ages and this caused them to learn, very early on that they weren't good enough just as they were. Plus diets usually don't work so in addition to feeling not good enough they also learn to feel like a failure.
-Handle your own weight issues: Usually when someone feels embarrassed or upset about a child's weight it's because they too have an unhealed wound connected with this issue. Getting help for your own feelings about your weight will not only set a good example but it can help you learn how to help your child heal their issues.
-Seek help: Emotional eating is one of the main causes of a child's weight problems. The weight itself can either be caused by low self esteem resulting in emotional eating and/or be a source of a lot of the pain causing the person to overeat. Either way getting help for your child's pain can really help them find healthier ways of dealing with their feelings than eating or any other destructive coping habits.
The truth is the time of your greatest influence over them won't last forever. Think about weight loss less as a health issue and more as a self esteem issue. Helping them create healthy self esteem will teach them to love themselves and respect their bodies. This will empower them to make life-affirming choices in all areas of their lives. Know that you can't be with them 24/7 to make sure they make the right choices. Ultimately, they have to do that for themselves.
(This is usually concerning a teenage daughter.) I know from experience that handling that these issues badly can make things even more difficult for your child. Remember whether they express it to you or not, weight is a very sensitive issue to a child and is the source of so much pain. Like most adults, they often feel powerless to resolve it only for them the stakes are higher since they feel judged daily by the harshest critics in the world, other teenagers. To those clients I suggest treading lightly and taking heed to the following advice.
-Keep it positive: Encourage and give praise for life affirming activities like exercising and eating healthy. Don't focus on what they did wrong, that brings feelings of shame which will cause them to run to food as a way of coping with those feelings.
-Be sensitive to their feelings when you talk about their health: Saying things like "we are worried about your weight," or "should you be eating that?" only makes a person feel shame and embarrassment which usually results in more eating. Making them feel bad about the problem is what the bullies at school do all day long.
Encourage them by providing activities that IMPROVE self-esteem -- like karate, dance or any other sports activity. What they need most is love and support, not criticism from the one place they need to feel the safest... home.
-Don't allow bulling at home: Don't allow your other kids to tease them, or tell ugly stories about family members who used to be thin but are now fat, and say things like, "you don't want to be like them do you?"
We think that cautionary tales will help motivate people to change but they don't, they just make kids feel bad about themselves because they can see that family views someone who is overweight as being inferior.
-Make sure your child feels loved and accepted as they are: When children receive messages that their weight is an issue they begin to feel inferior to others. Life will (incorrectly) teach them over and over again that being overweight means they aren't good enough, you will help them most by teaching them that you love and accept them as they are, no matter what.
-Make being healthy a family project: I've observed that the families who have the most success shifting their child's habits are the ones who, as a whole family, start eating healthier and getting more exercise.
Also, putting one child on a diet makes that child feel isolated and separate and makes eating healthier feel like punishment for being bad. Trust me everyone in the family could benefit from eating better, even the family pets.
-Pack your kids lunch: It is safe to assume that all food served at school is unhealthy. If you want your child to eat a healthy lunch, you have to pack it yourself.
-Don't think a "Diet" will fix this: Unless the doctor is recommending it, putting them on a strict diet isn't nearly as good as helping them build their self-esteem so that they will want to keep their bodies healthy and well nourished.
I hear all the time from clients how their parents put them on diets at young ages and this caused them to learn, very early on that they weren't good enough just as they were. Plus diets usually don't work so in addition to feeling not good enough they also learn to feel like a failure.
-Handle your own weight issues: Usually when someone feels embarrassed or upset about a child's weight it's because they too have an unhealed wound connected with this issue. Getting help for your own feelings about your weight will not only set a good example but it can help you learn how to help your child heal their issues.
-Seek help: Emotional eating is one of the main causes of a child's weight problems. The weight itself can either be caused by low self esteem resulting in emotional eating and/or be a source of a lot of the pain causing the person to overeat. Either way getting help for your child's pain can really help them find healthier ways of dealing with their feelings than eating or any other destructive coping habits.
The truth is the time of your greatest influence over them won't last forever. Think about weight loss less as a health issue and more as a self esteem issue. Helping them create healthy self esteem will teach them to love themselves and respect their bodies. This will empower them to make life-affirming choices in all areas of their lives. Know that you can't be with them 24/7 to make sure they make the right choices. Ultimately, they have to do that for themselves.
For more information and a free Hypnosis MP3 visit http://www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
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